Went back to Morse today

And I guess I have loads of thoughts right now.

  • Morse is so different yet so familiar.
  • I am deeply satisfied with the physical changes I saw - solar panel shades, new buildings, more e-boards.
  • Guard was being all strict so we couldn’t go through the front gate… so we just walked through the PE area and was on stealth mode the entire day. Security fail LOL
  • I didn’t get nearly as much time as I wanted to talk to some teachers. Some though like Ms. Banuelos, Ms. Bergan and Ms. Rolf - I was able to have legitimate conversations with. Still need talking time with Ms. Benedicto, Ms. Miranda and Mr. Hyun.
  • My junior babies… who are now seniors were just cute. It’s crazy not being the “ruling” class of the school anymore. Other underclassmen looked the same even though they’re “older”. And by far the weirdest in my opinion - not knowing an entire class because they’re all freshmen. They looked so young and as I saw them leave Ms. Benedicto’s class, I was filled with this vague hope for my school. One of those kids may be following my footsteps.
  • Amidst the hugs, hellos, “Russyan!”s and other forms of warm greetings, I felt the growth that occurred in me. The differences in my thoughts, how I viewed and treated people, how I viewed and treated myself, were all swirling in my mind.
  • I really did miss everyone. But I’m glad high school is done lol.
  • Morse already made its contribution on me. Now it’s time for me to make my contribution on Morse.

A Harry Potter dream:

Journal entry:
July 17, 2009
11:47 p.m.

He towered over everyone, with the Death Eaters at his back. They all wore black and that’s all I remember—except for Bellatrix’s evil smile. I knew he was Voldemort but why do I see Dumbledore as his form? And yet it was, for real, Voldemort. He was majestic in his blue and violet robe. And he carried a massive wand—almost like a giant syringe, with purple serum boiling inside it. I knew he was looking for me… he was going to shoot me.

But I hid behind someone’s back. I was so afraid he would see me. I knew I was supposed to help the others. I was the Chosen One. And I would have to fight this war. Shame. I was scared.

I pointed my wand at his and whispered, “Expelliarmus.” It did nothing… just a slight twitch in his wand. Could I be doing it wrong? Ron was the one who messed up with his wand all the time and not me. I tried again: “Expelliarmus”. It didn’t do anything.

That spell, I think, made Voldemort aware of my presence. Like he used it to track me. And then his eyes rolled directly to me. I had to run. And so I did. Coward.

Then I remember me speaking to them. I am a good speaker. And I knew I moved a lot of them in that speech. It was almost like a small congregation—but these people, all without faces, were supposed to fight with me. And then she stood, Mam Melchor. She exclaimed support for my speech. All of them were crying. All of them were ready for this war—all, except me.

Then I was at the corridor at Morse. I knew it was Morse. It had that gray, dull feeling to it. And then I saw them walking towards us. I knew we were walking, too. And I knew I was in the front. But I was so afraid. I wanted to run…

Then just as Voldemort was shooting at me with his massive wand, a boy stepped in front of me and claimed the spell for himself and died… And I heard my voice ring, “Noooooooo!!!”

And there was chaos.

Violence.

Disarray.

I couldn’t describe. Because I wasn’t there.

All of a sudden, I found myself in this small pet store. I was with Vanessa and Zac Efron. We were in line to pay something to the counter.

“Anong ginawa nila sakin?”

I asked Vanessa. For some reason, I expected her to understand and answer. But she gave me a confused face. I repeated my question, this time, in English.

“What did they do to me?”

And she understood and replied: “The producers didn’t like you. They killed you.”

And so I figured, the director decided to kill me in my last battle against Voldemort. But as I wake up at 8:04 in the morning when I need to be in school at 8:30, I will never forget how much of a coward I was, even in my sleep.

I was scared. I was Harry Potter.