Morning thoughts:

I think I’m really starting to see who those people are, those that I’m going to keep with me for a long time. Towards the end of high school, I resolved to be open and give everyone my contact number and told basically everyone to keep in touch.

Now that a semester of college is done, I’m seeing the ones I can easily hit up and hang out with. Those that I want to connect with and am able to, and probably the most important: those that I can talk to the same way, like nothing was different, all the while acknowledging the growth that has happened in all of us. 

Yesterday, Mr. Hyun talked about having a small circle of friends from high school that he still keeps in contact with. I’m starting to see that now. Although it probably is too early to say - and that group might get smaller and smaller as time goes on. But at this point, I feel much better at letting go of people that are not meant to stay in my life for much long.

Change is inevitable, and growth comes to those who choose to accept that. I’m just excited to see through all the changes and growth, who those people are.

Went back to Morse today

And I guess I have loads of thoughts right now.

  • Morse is so different yet so familiar.
  • I am deeply satisfied with the physical changes I saw - solar panel shades, new buildings, more e-boards.
  • Guard was being all strict so we couldn’t go through the front gate… so we just walked through the PE area and was on stealth mode the entire day. Security fail LOL
  • I didn’t get nearly as much time as I wanted to talk to some teachers. Some though like Ms. Banuelos, Ms. Bergan and Ms. Rolf - I was able to have legitimate conversations with. Still need talking time with Ms. Benedicto, Ms. Miranda and Mr. Hyun.
  • My junior babies… who are now seniors were just cute. It’s crazy not being the “ruling” class of the school anymore. Other underclassmen looked the same even though they’re “older”. And by far the weirdest in my opinion - not knowing an entire class because they’re all freshmen. They looked so young and as I saw them leave Ms. Benedicto’s class, I was filled with this vague hope for my school. One of those kids may be following my footsteps.
  • Amidst the hugs, hellos, “Russyan!”s and other forms of warm greetings, I felt the growth that occurred in me. The differences in my thoughts, how I viewed and treated people, how I viewed and treated myself, were all swirling in my mind.
  • I really did miss everyone. But I’m glad high school is done lol.
  • Morse already made its contribution on me. Now it’s time for me to make my contribution on Morse.

Cleaning my room.

I’ve stalled cleaning my room for a very long time and now that I actually found the time (and will) to do it, I figured that it’s because of two reasons: 

  • My room is just overwhelmingly messy.
  • I don’t know what to do with all the “trash”.

I’ve been spending the last five hours cleaning, and all I was able to do was have two plastic bags full of paper (mostly AP Stats stuff; Ms. Miranda gave a lot of paper), and put a whole bunch of random papers in a box. See, I can’t throw away the slip that congratulated me for winning “Most Inspiring” or the grams I got from random people. It’s those stuff that make it difficult for me to clean my room. And now that I’m actually done with high school, I don’t have a reason to keep my senior port folio, or my notes from Bergan sophomore year. But I’m keeping them anyway.

Cleaning this room just makes my last days all the more real. In less than three weeks, I’m really gonna be 2500+ miles away from the familiar faces that made San Diego home. And I feel like I’m giving my family a favor of cleaning my room not just for space reasons (my other uncle’s gonna occupy this room when I’m gone), but I guess, I’m gonna clean up the tracks of me being here so that while I’m away, it won’t be as upsetting for them.

I’m leaving, and it just hit me.

EIGHT INSERTS.

The past week has been really overwhelming. I guess that’s why I avoided posting my thoughts about it. Words, with all their power, seem to be not enough. But during this last weekend as a high school student, I feel like the events simmered down, and now I can finally think.

Tomorrow’s graduation. And I’m excited now more than ever. High school has been incredibly incredible. Prom, Gradnite, Senior Cruise, bonfires, parties and the seemingly endless signing of inserts, all led us to this moment when we have to say goodbye. And this time, I’m smiling. This time, I’m ready.

There is this reassurance that the people who matter will always stick it through. I know I’ll be going (literally) far, but I know that when I come back, I’ll always find home in the presence of my real friends. 

But for now, all I can do is wait, with this strong and steady beat of anticipation.

American high school.

When I come to think of it, high school really is interesting. Only when I came to the States did I realize that there really are cliques. There really are the “popular” and the “weird” and the “unique” ones. There really are those who give themselves way more credit than they deserve, or those who do not realize their true worth.

I’ve come to the realization that in high school, there are bound to be fake people… or pushovers, or those who are only strong when they’re around their “friends”. There are gonna be backstabbers, haters, semi-haters, and those who cover up their insecurities with thick facades. But despite all those people, you’ll see that there are the real friends who are more than people you hang out with, or those you see in class, in the corridors or in the quad. They are there to teach you lessons, to help you move forward, to support you in everything, with or without constant contact.

There’s only one more month left of high school. And right now, it’s pretty clear who those people are. As excited as I am for college, I know full well that I’ll miss this incredibly much. So I’ll just keep on living everyday up, along with the different types of people that exist in it.